Yesterday, I came across a blog while searching for some ebooks. Most of the things the blogger wrote saddened me and I’ll like to correct some of those misconceptions.
- She wrote an article with this title: “Ways of Increasing your chance of meeting your black king.” In the article, she wrote that there is a shortage of ‘marriageable’ black men in the dating market, and considering that most black women prefer to date black men, they will need a strategy to increase their chances of meeting men who actually meet their criteria for dating.
First, I didn’t know there was a market where marriageable men are, perhaps I should go there to find one.
On a serious note, when we begin to see dating and marriage as a market place where there is scarcity and we need to compete for the best, bargain, draw up a scale of preference, do opportunity cost and the rest, then we are getting it wrong.
It is this kind of mentality that makes single women compete with other women for a man, fight over a man and go to various extents in the name of ‘strategy’ and trying not to be affected by the shortage in the market.
There is no such place as a ‘dating market’ and you don’t need any ‘marketing’ strategy to ‘market’ your ‘goods’ and increase your chances of meeting ‘customers’ who meet your ‘expected profit’.
I’m sorry I had to use economic terms because I couldn’t find better words to express myself. I hope you still get my point.
Single sisters; please go about living your life happily and doing your business. When it is the right time, ‘he’ will find you. There are more important things to do in your single season other than strategizing. You don’t need to strategize to meet the man God has chosen and prepared for you.
- She also wrote, “Want a Godly man, go to Church events. Want a man with a certain income level, go take a golfing class,… Want a man who is educated, go to…. Go where they are. Increase your chances of meeting them.”
This issue of meeting a godly spouse in Church is overrated. The devil goes to Church. The devil knows how to quote Scriptures. There are a lot of sheep in wolves clothing in the Church, a lot of angels of darkness parading as angels of light. If you’re attending Church events for the sole aim of meeting a life partner, there’s a probability you’ll end up falling for one of the ‘devils’ in Church.
There’s nothing wrong with attending Church events but your primary reason should be to worship God and fellowship with other believers.
I was chatting with one of my friends few days ago and we discussed about this issue. I said that I don’t mind where I meet my husband, what matters most to me is that he has a relationship with God.
There’s nothing wrong with meeting your spouse in fellowship or Church but that shouldn’t be the main criteria. The main criteria is does he/she has a relationship with God?
And so, if you want a Godly man, go to God. If you want a Godly woman, go to God. It’s only in God’s presence that you can find them. By God’s presence I don’t mean the physical Church here on earth, I mean His divine presence.
- The issue of going to a particular place/event and engaging in a particular activity for the sole aim of meeting a husband or wife is a misconception.
You’ll now see people attending all the 3 services in Church or attending weddings every Saturday or engaging in activities that ordinarily they don’t like only because of marriage. So when they now get married, what happens next? Will their life come to a halt?
It’s good to make yourself available but that doesn’t mean you should do things you don’t like to attract attention or engage in activities solely for the aim of attracting a man or woman.
Personally, I think the best place to meet the best man or woman for you is in God’s presence. That doesn’t mean that you should lock yourself up or not go out. Go out, make friends, interact with people, engage in activities, attend events but none of these should be done for the sole aim of meeting a life partner. If you want a life partner go to God. He is the one that knows the right place you should be, the right time you should be there and what you should be doing for you to meet your future wife or husband.
It’s also ok to have certain qualities you desire in your future spouse. But you should prioritise, setting the inner qualities and inner beauty above the physical qualities and attributes. Above all, whatever qualities you desire them to have, tell God about it. Stop wasting your time strategizing where you can meet someone with those qualities. Pray about it, trust God and ‘go to sleep’. At the right time, God will wake the ‘sleeping Adam’ and ‘awaken the love of the woman’.
P.S. You may not agree with my own views on these issues and I’m not in any way imposing them on you. I’m only expressing my thoughts and insights on these issues and you’re free to agree or disagree.